Unconventional
by oh-the-linsanity
Summary: They were pretty smart, Sakura and Shikamaru. Some might say geniuses. "When you say pregnant, you mean pregnant with substantial medical knowledge, right?" Well, they *were* geniuses. Now they're just morons.
1. prologue

_unconventional: prologue_

* * *

It was three months after the war when she came barreling into his apartment in an uncharacteristically frantic manner. She had locked the door behind her, and screamed his name, only to find him in his kitchen, a piece of buttered toast hanging from his mouth. He only looked mildly surprised when she yanked the toast out of his mouth, steered him into the living room, sat him across from her on the sofa and pulled a little stick out of her purse adorned with a pale pink plus.

She set it on the table. "Shikamaru, we have a pr—" she stopped herself, suddenly calm. "Shikamaru, some things are gonna change."

Eyes doe-like and wide with fear, Sakura had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the normally nonchalant genius getting a rude awakening call. She saw him turning the numbers in his head, going through dates and possibilities and _there's no way I knocked up a girl at sixteen._ "Please tell me we aren't about to be the subject of Konoha's hottest new scandal." He finally managed to get out.

Sakura scrunched her face up in an expression that could only be described as half-regret, half-amusement. The sadist. "Afraid I can't say that."

Silence. Then, the most defeated groan to have ever come out of the Nara's mouth. He slumped in his seat almost comically, hands coming up to rub his face, hard and vigorous like he was slapping himself for his own stupidity. "By the Sage…"

Sakura smoothed her skirt and lay back in the seat. Shikamaru couldn't see on account that he was attempting to squeeze his eyes so hard that hopefully he could blind himself and prevent himself from doing anything else stupid because _he just knocked up Sakura Haruno. _but he swore her sigh sounded content. He dared himself a peak and when he opened his eyes, he saw pale green eyes that looked cool and calm and a smile that was gentle. "You aren't upset," he concluded, because he was smart enough to figure that stuff out. (_note to self_, he thought_, you lost the privilege to call yourself smart_).

She shook her head. "No, I'm not," she shrugged her shoulders like she didn't really care, but he knew better. "It's a thing that's happening, and I'm okay with it."

Forgive Shikamaru, but he didn't buy it. "Why?"

She crossed her legs and looked at the plants in his window sill Ino have been collecting for him the past few weeks. "I guess after the war it's a little refreshing to hear that life's starting instead of ending, you know?"

He was quiet for several minutes. He understood that. Enough of their comrades had fallen during the war. But he wasn't entirely sure she was realizing that she was pregnant with something that , quite frankly, would be a complete drag for the next eighteen years or so. Sure, there's a mother's love and all that, but really. They were still kid's themselves! How was he supposed to raise a kid, a kid with her no less? They weren't dating, weren't interested in each other, weren't the least bit in love—they were two friends who, drunk on emotional baggage and a shit ton of sake, banged each other and got a lot more than they bargained for.

"Do you want me to marry you?" he asked lazily, and Sakura decided that it was likely the most pathetic marriage proposal in the history of ever.

Her lips quirked up at the side. She started checking her nails like they were suddenly so fascinating. "Why, are you asking? Because you'll have to do better than that!" she sung out the last part teasingly and he could not believe how this woman could be so carefree at the moment—she was truly as tough as their colleagues revered her to be.

"I will," he pressed, tone serious. "I know the circumstances aren't ideal, but I'll do it—if that's what you want." He knew that some of the villagers could be cruel with their gossip, and Sakura had been subjected to enough bullying in her lifetime. He had no doubt they would ridicule her for being pregnant at sixteen with no husband, no boyfriend, no nothing—although, that wasn't true. She had him, whatever he was to her. So yeah, he'd marry her, if it would make things less troublesome. If it was the right thing to do.

Her face softened and he saw something beyond what she had been displaying shine in her eyes. "No, I don't want to marry you," she said, voice meek. "Thank you, though. I know why you asked. But don't worry, I can handle it. We can handle it." She grinned wide. "Just 'cause we won't be married doesn't mean I won't be harassing you every day, Nara."

"From you, I wouldn't expect anything else," he mumbled. He sat up and looked sheepish as he smoothed his sweaty palms on his pants. "Uh, do you…what do you need me to do first?"

He expected a wicked grin, a list of demands, but she just put on a shy face and chewed on her lip. "Can I live here for a while? I suspect my parents won't be too happy with me once I tell them."

_Don't roll your eyes,_ he thought_, don't you fucking dare roll your eyes_. Right. Her parents. "You haven't told your parents yet?" he all but whined.

Sakura snorted at the implication. "Would you like to do it?" and she almost laughed at how quick he shook his head. "Thought not. They're on a mission right now, they'll be back at the end of the week. I guess I should apologize in advance for my father's murder attempts."

He didn't look impressed. "My mom will kill me first." He groaned again at the thought. She was going to take nagging to an entirely new level. And this time, his father would come back from the grave and help. Probably Asuma as well. And also the rest of the clan would assist. Oh, and probably the entire village. It was then he realized the whole situation was a lot more complicated than Sakura was making it out to be. He stood slowly and left an outstretched hand, which she took. "Come on, I'll help you move your stuff." Got to start somewhere.

She laughed as they headed to the door, sidling up beside him and looping her arm with his. "I got the lazy bum off his ass! And look, all I had to do was get him to knock me up."

He made vague gestures her way. "This good mood, it isn't going to last, I can tell," he sighed. She laughed again, harder.

"Probably. My hormones are already beginning to get all screwed up. I might wake up tomorrow screaming at you." she reveled in the way his face fell. He grabbed her coat though, and she thanked him as he held it up and helped her slip it on. She reminded him that his chivalry would be more useful a few months down when she would actually _need_ help putting on a coat, but he ignored her. If his mother ever found out he was anything but completely doting on the mother of his child, wife or not, she'd castrate him, no questions asked.

Holy fucking shit, _what was he going to tell his mother?_

"How long do you think we could get away with not telling anyone?" Sakura wondered aloud, as if reading his mind. He's love to keep it a secret. Send the two of them away on a mission for a year, give her a cushy job in Suna, have Gaara take care of them. Come back and deal with it when they had a couple of pounds of screaming flesh and no one would come within a mile radius to bother to give them shit then.

But then again, he'd probably spend the duration of her leave having Temari scream at him. "Nine months, give or take," He murmured, and he couldn't help a smile when she laughed.

"I had Tsunade check me over this morning, and so far she's the only one who knows."

Ah, their esteemed Hokage. She knew how to keep a secret; leader of their village, how could she not? She was always, 100% completely responsible. Of course, that was only when she wasn't drunk or wasn't gambling.

They were so fucking screwed.

They opened the door and stepped out into the streets, only to be greeted by every single villager stopping dead in their tracks to stare at them. Shikamaru leaned in and whispered in her ear. "Don't _ever_ help that woman with her paperwork again."

Sakura tried to pass off their stares (some shocked, some curious, some judging) but Shikamaru saw the flush of her cheeks due to all the unwanted attention. "I'm hiding her sake," she grit through a false smile. She tugged on his hand and pulled them through the streets. "Come on, we better get going before—"

"FOREHEAD!"

Did he mention that they were _so fucking screwed?_

The villagers went from intrigued to frightened. Sakura couldn't see her yet, Ino was just a mere speck at the end of the road, but boy did that voice carry. So, Sakura cupped her hands around her mouth and tried to shout back as Ino stomped down the street, gaining speed quick. _"_Pig, _please, _for once in your life just lower your voice and we'll talk—"

"FOREHEAD, HOW COULD YOU LET THIS UNBELIEVABLE—"

"—Oi, Ino, if you'd just—"

"—LAZY, SMART-ASSED—"

"Ino!"

"—_SON OF A BITCH_—"

"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan, what's all the commotion about?"

Both Sakura and Shikamaru went rigid at the voice of Konoha's hero—granted, he was still a loudmouthed knucklehead who wore a lot of orange—but Shikamaru decided right then and there if you took in to consideration Konoha's entire shinobi force, calculated past events and emotional triggers, multiplied them each by the shock factor, carried the 1 for nine months, the person to most likely skin him alive was not actually his mother but no other than Naruto Uzumaki.

"N-Naruto!" Sakura turned sharply on her heels and tried to ignore the zealous smile he gave her. She put both hands on his chest and tried to steer him away, preferably all the way to Rain country. "Look, now isn't the best time—" But Naruto had already caught sight of the Yamanaka who had successfully marched down the street and now stood fuming, chest panting, a few feet away from the expecting couple.

"—SHIKAMARU KNOCK YOU UP!?"

And then the sky fell in the form of a certain Uzumaki's scream.

"_EH!? SAKURA-CHAN_!"

Troublesome.

* * *

notes: AYOOOO This wasn't going to be funny but then it was. Or at least, an attempt was made. I'll let you decide.

As the title suggests, this story is, well, unconventional. It'll be about Sakura and Shikamaru, they're havin' a kid, but no, this isn't going to be ShikaSaku or whatever the hell we call this (guilty pleasure) ship. Not really. I think the direction is pretty clear, and I don't want to be skinned alive for any misconceptions, so I thought I'd just explain. I'd love any feedback and commentary, and I promise the next chapter will be longer and provide a lot more answers. This is just setting the stage! Thanks again in advance y'all ilu gaiz.


	2. What's in a name?

_unconventional, chapter one: what's in a name? _

* * *

He didn't really know how it happened. Here he was, former pretty-much-let's-be-real-Gaara-had-other-things-t o-do general of the war and he couldn't figure out how he'd ended up tied down in the back of the Yamanaka flower shop. They really should move Ino up a rank or two.

Ino started pacing up and down the backroom, her hand cupping her chin in thought. Shikamaru knew it was best to be quiet—let her scream her senseless, uninformed facts and opinions before he calmly explained and demonstrated how people should react normally. Then she'd yell about insinuations he didn't make, he'd roll his eyes, she'd probably scream some more, then everything would be over.

_Smack!_

Or, she'd just start with smacking him.

Shikamaru had never been blatantly smacked before. Ino'd bonked his head a few times, but it was still nothing compared to how Sakura super-punched Naruto whenever he was…well, being Naruto. But when he looked back up, his eyes fizzing with colors because she just smacked _the shit _out of him, he was met with cold blue eyes that were deeply and completely _hurt._

_He really did it this time._

"What did you _do?" _she hissed; her voice was laced with menace and vile, but her face was still fallen.

He didn't really know what to say at this point, which was really annoying. This day was turning out to be a day of surprises, and Shikamaru didn't _do_ surprises—it was the upside of having has IQ. So without a word to offer, he decided to go back to his original plan and let Ino give him a piece of her mind. Chances were, he probably deserved whatever she had to throw at him this time around.

"Shikamaru, how could you be so fucking careless!" Ino hissed. She'd finally stopped pacing and took to leaning against the single window in the room. Her arms were crossed across her chest and her hair was in disarray across her flushed cheeks. Ino chewed on her bottom lip, shaking her head. "How could you be so _careless?"_

A moment of vulnerability washed over, sinking her defensive posture; her arms fell to her side and she ran a hand through her hair, pushing her bangs back before they settled back over one of her eyes. When she finally braved herself, she looked at him once more and Shikamaru saw the hurt spiraling in those eyes once more before they sparked and started a fire of rage. "Well?" she snapped, and this time he knew he had to answer.

"Well, we—"

_Smack!_

Okay, that one was uncalled for. "Ino!"

She huffed. "Okay, sorry, that one was…that one was out of line." She pointed a finger at him. "If only barely!"

Shikamaru opened and closed his mouth, stretching it into funny faces to try and ease the stinging. "Ino, I think it's pretty obvious what happened," he whispered.

Ino sighed. "I know, I know. She fucked up. _You _fucked up. But what I don't get is…" she trailed off for a moment, "…how it even managed to happen in the first place!" She sputtered, a loss for words, and went back to pacing, comically waving her hands and flicking her fingers as she spoke. "I mean you and Forehead? Holy hell, how much alcohol did you two have?" she stuck another accusing finger his way. "And don't try and tell me that there was no alcohol involved. There's no other way in hell this could have happened otherwise. You want to know why?"

"Because the only person she'd sleep with sober is Naruto?" he piped in. "Because she's in love with him, not me?"

Shikamaru would have been lying if he said he didn't cherish how Ino's eyes went wide, how she became rigid with absolute shock. But that satisfaction melted away from the sheer heat of her anger bubbling back up again. "Exactly!" The word came out so strongly, he felt specks of her spit coat his cheek. She rolled her eyes and balled her fists, tapping them against the side of her skull. "Stupid, stupid, stupid me! Of course you already knew that."

"I thought I was the stupid one here, remember?" he was treading dangerous grounds with this kind of sass, but he was two smacks in, he didn't really care at this point.

"Do _not_ get cheeky with me, Nara." She leaned down, but he recognized the puff of air she exhaled as something of defeat. "Then why'd you do it?" she moaned. "Why'd you go and—and—make a baby, I guess." The last part came out mumbled as her fingers went up to play with her hair. "That's what ended up happening."

"Ino," his voice was soft, gentle, "I'm not denying that this whole baby deal is a total mess. This isn't what either of us ever wanted, trust me. But listen to me," she turned her head and waited, finally patient for the first time since she'd tied him up there in the first place. "What happened that night—well, it's between me and her. But I don't regret it, not one bit."

Ino was quiet—she was quiet for a long time. He hadn't heard her this quiet in years. She sat down in the chair beside him, and twiddled her fingers in a way he only thought Hinata did. "What are you two going to do then?"

"We're still in the process of figuring that out. We were on our way to move her stuff to my house for a few days," He gestured to the hands and feet she'd tied up. "As you can see, I got interrupted. But to answer that question that has been swimming in your mind for the past ten minutes, no, I'm not marrying her."

She lifted her hand.

"And before you smack me for a third time as retribution for not being chivalrous or whatever, I did ask her. She turned me down. I tried to do the right thing—but apparently, that's not it."

"It's because she's in love with Naruto," Ino grumbled, sinking back into her seat. "That idiot—" For once, she wasn't talking about him, "She's going to be ridiculed by the whole village, and you know it."

Shikamaru shrugged. "She's smart enough to know the consequences. Sakura can handle it. It can't be all bad—she's a war hero, after all. How much shit are they going to give her? And besides she's right—a marriage isn't the solution. We'll be fine, Ino."

She rolled her eyes and stood up before she drifted back to the front room with all the flowers. "Your kid is going to be, without a doubt, the greatest smartass this world has ever known."

She was probably right.

Shikamaru began working on loosening the knots tying him down. "What are you doing out there?"

She didn't answer him; instead, she came back ten minutes later with a rather pretty flower arrangement all tied up in a big lavender bow. "These are for your mother—" she walked over to him and undid the rest of the knots in about two seconds (definitely needed to be moved up a rank or two). The look on Ino's face was cold as she handed the flowers over. "—have fun telling her about her illegitimate grandkid."

_Fuck._

* * *

She didn't know what happened here. Here she was, the woman who punched the ten-tails in the face with pure chakra control, and she couldn't figure out how she'd let Naruto kidnap her and take her back to his apartment. They should really make him Hokage already.

The thing was, Naruto was being very, very, _very_, quiet; painfully quiet, as a matter of fact. He had carried her all the way from the middle of street to his house without a word. She'd put up a fight half the way there, even spewing a few creative profanities his way (assdick, fuckflute, etc,) but when she realized he wasn't going to answer her, they all kind of died in her throat. He had set her down on his bed so gently she almost didn't feel it before he ran to the other side of the room, pulled a chair across, sat down across from her and tucked his head between his knees.

And he just sat there. Without a word. For _twenty minutes_.

"Naruto," she finally whispered. "Please just say something."

He looked up at her (finally) and Sakura noticed that he was crying this whole time.

_Shit._

"Is it true, Sakura-chan?" he whispered. "What Ino said? About…a-about—"

"—me being pregnant?" she finished with a sigh. "Yeah, it's true."

He scooted closer in the chair and made haste to wipe his tears from his face before mustering up the best stern look he could manage. Grabbing her by the shoulders and giving her a gentle squeeze, he asked, "Did he hurt you?"

"…what?" Sakura felt her cheeks redden with his proximity. "No, no, of course not." She put her hands over his and rubbed her fingers over his knuckles. "Shikamaru is properly scared of me; he's the biggest softie I know—next to you, of course."

"…did you just call me soft?"

Sakura giggled, but it died quickly when she saw his eyes were still glossed with tears. "Aw, Naruto, it's okay. I'm fine, really."

He got out of the chair and jumped on the bed, scooting to the far end. With his face buried in his pillow he reached out and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down beside her. She rolled her eyes good naturedly and shifted as she curled up beside him, facing him. She tugged at his hair and parted his bangs to try to find his eyes. "Hey, no sulking, that's my job—I'm the one that's got to carry around a kid for nine months and get all fat, remember?"

"How can you joke about this!" he whined, voice muffled by the pillow. "This is serious, Sakura-chan!"

She tugged his hair harder, and he whined at the pain. "I'm aware, dumbass."

He finally pulled his face from his bed, one bright, shiny blue eye peering right at her. "How did this even _happen?"_

The tugging on his hair slowly became petting as she methodically raked her fingers through his blonde hair. "I jacked Tsunade's sake. The rest is a story of amusing alcoholic induced antics."

Face back in the pillow. "Figures."

"Hey," she pulled his head up to meet hers again. "I'm not taking this lightly—I'm just taking this positively. Get it?" the smile that spread across his face was slow and sweet, like the build to a great song. Naruto pulled her closer, still smiling, and Sakura nestled into his chest as she wrapped one arm around him.

"You're going to be a mommy, Sakura-chan."

She chuckled, nervous. "Scary, huh?"

He ignored the question, which was probably for the best. "Ne, Ne, I know typically it's a girl but, can I be the…maid…man…of honor at your wedding?"

"Wedding?" Forgetting she was tucked under Naruto's head she sat up abruptly, her head smacking against his. The two hissed in complaint, Sakura's laced with more creative insults. "Whoa, whoa, who said anything about a wedding?"

Naruto looked at her, confused, as he rubbed his sore head. "But…you two are having a kid…and I thought…"

Sakura rolled her eyes. Typical. "I am not marrying Shikamaru," she said flatly, rolling of the bed. She headed to his kitchenette and decided she needed a boiling, scorching hot cup of tea. She had a feeling she was going to have a lot of similar conversations the next few days, but maybe if she burned her tongue off, she wouldn't have to.

Worth a try.

Naruto was hot on her tail. "Wait, why not?" he asked, frantic. She heard him crack his knuckles behind her. "Did that bastard not even _ask!?_ When I get my hands on that son of a—"

She whirled around ad flicked water at him. "Naruto, calm down. I don't see why it even matters since I can take care of myself. He did ask, but I turned him down. I'm not marrying him."

"No? But…" he trailed off, because now that Naruto thought about it, the question seemed rather old and traditional—especially for the upcoming generation. But for Naruto, it made sense. A lot of time ninja families were broken; one parent, no parents, and he knew that best. So a part of him figured that if it were possible for Sakura and Shikamaru to get married and raise the kid together they'd…well, they'd do it. Who knows how long any of them had? Sure the war was over, and if they were lucky peace would stay for quite some time, but the fear of death never left him, nor did it leave his friends. Why not try to give the kid as normal a family as possible?

Sakura seemed to read his mind. "What is with these sexist, traditional values? Jeez. We can raise the kid together, without getting married." She said firmly. "It'll be a bit unconventional, but it'll work out just fine."

"So he _will _help, right?" Naruto reaffirmed. Just checking. Because otherwise, he'd have to kill him. National Security measures and all that. Tsuande would understand.

She scoffed. "Of course." The kettle hissed with hot air. "You think I'd let that lazy prick out of this one? Not a chance!" she laughed, and Naruto smiled timidly.

"Hey, Sakura?"

She recognized the serious tone. "Hmm?" she hummed in response as she searched through the cabinets for tea.

"…can I help with raising your kid too?"

The box of tea she'd grabbed fell to the ground.

"W-what?" she stuttered, and cursed herself for it too. She grabbed the tea bags with haste and told herself not to make eye contact. "You don't need to help me, Naruto, this is our responsibility, not yours."

Naruto looked down at his feet, scuffled in his shoes. "I know that," he said quietly, "But you're gonna need some extra help along the way—we're all still pretty young and it's probably not easy. Like, if you ever need a babysitter so you can get some sleep," he laughed nervously. "I hear babies cry a lot. And if you guys ever go out on missions, you can always leave the baby with me or if you need me to run errands while you and Shikamaru watch him or—"

He stopped short when she wrapped her arms tightly around him.

Rigid at first, Naruto soon relaxed and returned the hug, resting his chin on top her head. "Why are you so nice to me?" she mumbled into his chest.

"You're my best friend! My teammate! I'd do anything to help my precious people, you know that." She felt his chest puff out with a deep breath. "I did save the entire village, don't you remember?"

"Must of slipped my mind," she quipped. She pulled away and looked up to find Naruto smiling down at her, all gentle and sweet like he _always did_. This kid was way too nice; how did it not break him? Was he so nice to counterbalance the fact that he had a fucking demon inside him or something? "You're allowed to help me and see the kid whenever you want. I trust you completely. I trust all our friends."

"…Trust me enough to let me kill Shikamaru and not question it?"

"_Naruto."_ Ah, that's right. The catch was he was also a dumbass that ruined serious moments.

He sighed and ruffled her hair playfully. "Worth a shot."

* * *

Sakura managed to escape Naruto's apartment after making a million and one promises to make Shikamaru carry all the heavy boxes; of course she fully intended to break each and every one of said promises—Shikamaru carry her shit? She was a hundred times stronger, there was no way she needed help lifting stuff.

It didn't matter anyway—she wasn't moving out of her house (not yet) so she only needed a duffle bag or two of stuff. The second one probably full of shoes because despite her best efforts, she still felt she needed every pair of shoes.

When she made it to her house, Shikamaru was on her doorstep with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. "Oh, honey, flowers for me? You shouldn't have!"

He was pretty good about ignoring some of Sakura's antics at this point. "I see you escaped Naruto's house—the better question is why hasn't he attempted to murder me yet?"

Sakura unlocked the front door and let them both in. "He made the threats; I'm sure it's only a matter of time."

"Suuuuuper," Shikamaru groaned.

Sakura laughed. "Nah, the worst he'll do is booby trap your apartment or something."

"Great. I'll get to re-live the days at our academy."

"He's upgraded a bit from bucket over the doorway, don't you think?" She snatched the bouquet of flowers and gave them a sniff—pretty, as flowers always seemed to smell. She recognized the lavender bow and knew Ino had arranged them. "Ah, Ino gave them to you?" she asked puzzled. Ino didn't seem too happy with Shikamaru, so Sakura found it hard to believe she'd given him a bunch of flowers. What was this supposed to say? "Congrats on fucking my best friend, I hope your kid cries a lot and causes you eternal torment, love Ino." Eh. That was probably the underlying subtext.

Shikamaru went over and sunk into Sakura's sofa. "They're for my mom."

Sakura winced. He had to tell his mother. And his clan. And his _mother_. "Oohh. Yeah. Glad I dodged that kunai."

He immediately sat right back up, eyes scrutinizing. "What. No. You're taking this kunai with me."

She pointed at herself in disbelief. "Me? Oh, _no._ No no no no, I am not going with you to have your _entire clan_ label me as some whore!"

"They aren't going to do that," he reassured her while rolling his eyes. Some clans might do that, but he was pretty sure his wouldn't. They were above name calling and reputation ruining. They'd simply kill the pair of them and make sure no one found out about it. "But if you're there, my mom is less likely to kill me."

"Why's that?"

He shrugged. "She likes you. She always wanted me to be more like you."

That was news to Sakura. "Really? In what ways?"

"Apparently, to be some kind of workaholic harpy."

_"You son of a bitch." _

Ah, that glowing temper. "Also, it probably had to do with you being Tsunade's star pupil, having chakra control that would make my shadow techniques unbeatable, and overall being the world's best medic. And that you can punch worth a damn."

Oh. Okay. That was satisfactory, Sakura thought. "Much better," she told him as she put the flowers in the vase and wandered over the living room and plopped on the couch right over him. She concentrated enough chakra in her elbow to bruise him in his stomach as she, quite literally, lied on top of him while he bemoaned his entire situation. She grinned. "You know, I didn't think about it, but with some luck, our kid will have really awesome chakra control—perfect for shadow techniques. Aw, the perfect little Nara!"

Below, Shikamaru ceased trying to wiggle out from under her. "That's another reason you need to come with me," his voice was muffled from the coach cushions.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, if you would get _off…" _she complied without complaint. He yawned, suddenly very tired. This was way too much for one day. Actually, this had him pretty much beat for the week. What he wouldn't give to just lie in a field for a week and look at clouds and not _talk. _"Our kid—he-she—whatever it ends up being, can't be a Nara." At her puzzled look, he continued. "If I married you, sure, no problem, the kid would be a Nara, but that's not the case. Our child has to take your name."

He watched as realization dawned on. "So that means…"

"I can't teach a Nara technique to someone who isn't a Nara. It's against clan rules."

Her blank face fixated into a cocktail of anger and frustration. "Well, that's not fair! _You're a Nara!_ I mean, I get not letting people into the clan, and how even adopted kids can have trouble because of bloodline limits…" he saw years of medical science flash in her eyes. "But this is literally your kid! It'll have your blood! And they won't let you teach the poor thing just because I didn't marry you? What fucking bullshit!"

Shikamaru sighed—probably the biggest one all day, and that was saying something. "I never said it was fair, but it's the truth. You know just as well as I that our clan is probably the most lenient in the village, but everyone's got a line. And it makes sense." At the sign of her bubbling rage spitting back out again, he lifted one hand to placate her. "Listen—marriage in the village also brings along a whole set of legal rights, especially between two parents." He shifted a bit and faced her fully on the couch. "Since we're not married, little whats-its-face Haruno pretty much belongs to you. You want to tell me I can't see him? You can do that. You want to leave the village and take the kid with you and not tell me? You can do that too. Hell, Sakura, you can get married to someone else and your husband can adopt the child and he would probably have more legal rights to the kid than I do."

Reaching over, she flicked Shikamaru on the forehead before reaching back to tug on his spikey locks. "Well, that's not happening because—"

He grabbed her hands and put them back in her lap. "I know, I know, you'll give me rights when he's born, you'll sign all the right papers the village will give you, I get it. But that doesn't change the inevitability that without a marriage binding us, you'll have advantages. And they won't like the possibility that you can up and leave, and he having secrets to techniques and all that."

Sakura huffed, annoyed. She leaned back against the couch and draped one arm over her eyes, the other one hanging limp off the sofa. "To use your words, what a drag. They should know better—I have put waaaaaay to much work into this village to just up and leave, like, are you serious?"

"Tsunade left, remember."

"Yeah, but now she's Hokage."

"Yeah, well, she still left."

Sakura growled. "So there's no way around this? The kid is stuck with my clan-less name? Not that that's a bad thing," she started mumbling, and to Shikamaru, it sounded like it was more to herself, so he chose to tune her out. "It's totally not. Harunos are bitching. Totally bitching."

Once she was finished grumbling, Shikamaru brought up his final point. "There's a way, but it might take some time—years, perhaps. The _entire _clan can decide whether or not to make the child a Nara."

"What does that process entail? If it's a written test, I think we'll be good." She grinned. She and Shikamaru were easily the smartest teens in the village. Shikamaru alone was the smartest person across the nations, if you asked her. There was no way this kid was going to be anything but smart.

"I don't know." He rubbed the back of his neck, pressing against a knot that had not-so-ironically appeared throughout the day. "But it starts with you making a good impression with my mom when we tell her you're…"

"Impregnated? Knocked up? Preggo? I got tons more."

"—pregnant," he finished, eying her strangely. "So, you come with me. Deal?"

She was silent for several seconds. A strange look had crossed her face and for once, Shikamaru couldn't really tell what she was thinking. "Fine I'll do it." She hopped off the sofa. "But I know that half this scheme is just to use me as a body guard from your parents."

Yeah, she was pretty spot on with that one, he couldn't lie about that. "Do you object?"

One pretty, shit-eating grin. "Not at all. I'm a bit flattered you trust in my strength so much." She paused, obviously thinking, before she jumped back on the couch. _("Again? Get off me, woman.")_

"Just practicing for the bodyguard gig." God, what a lame excuse, he thought. "Now," she snapped her fingers and pointed to her bedroom. "Go pack my stuff."

He groaned from underneath her. "I don't know what the hell you need."

"Aren't you a genius? Figure it out."

"_Fine," _and Sakura laughed at how pathetic the word sounded. She sat up and freed him, almost feeling sorry about how tired he looked. Almost. Lazy bastard was going to need practice not being so lazy if they were going to pull this off. "You're not going to like what a pack."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." she dismissed him with a wave of her hand. She knew he'd be sensible, and not forget anything important; she couldn't say the same about herself. "Chop, chop. I'd hate for my parents to come home from their mission early and wonder what all the fuss is about."

She'd never seen him work so quickly.

"Aww, you even remembered my favorite pair of shoes!"

* * *

**Notes: I'm glad that the previous reviewers still decided to stick with the story, even though it probably wasn't what you thought! So thanks! I'm not trying to trick you, I swear! It is about Shikamaru and Sakura, pinky sweaaaaar. But thank you for the positive notes thusfar. I know this one had a lot of information and serious shit, but I tried to keep the humor throughout it. Thank you so much guys! If you got any questions, don't be afraid to send me a message though the website or my tumblr, I don't mind. **


	3. Hide and Seek

Here's the thing:

Sakura understood that telling his mother about the baby wasn't going to be the easiest thing. He had heard Shikamaru complain about his abrasive mother his entire childhood (Sakura didn't entirely get it, because after all he hung out with her, and she wasn't well known for being level tempered or whatever). She wordlessly decided to give him a few days to sort out what he wanted to say. There was a pretty good chance his mother knew about the baby—it would seem Tsunade had let the cat out the bag. The whole village probably knew. Well. Maybe not. Err. Half? Yeah, half.

Sakura also understood that Shikamaru's approach in telling his mother would decide in the child's fate within the clan. Also, the deciding factor in whether he got to live or die, apparently. (So melodramatic when it came to this shit). Shikamaru hadn't seen much of his mother the past month or so since he moved out. With the village being rebuilt, The young Nara had been given many jobs courtesy of the Hokage. He had worked with architects in designing the city, worked with carpenters in efficiency, and had been by Naruto's side the most, telling he and his clones where to move this, pick up that, _if you gun another nail in your hand again I'll murder you._ When you combined all that, Shikamaru explained that he just stopped coming home altogether, and moved into a small house. Understandable.

The village was being built remarkably fast. Businesses were back, like Ino's flower shop and the ramen stand. Houses were still in short supply, but it wasn't anything too terrible. After the war and the peace treaty, many foreign nations and villages offered their assistance in rebuilding the village (especially the Sand; Kankuro and Temari were still here)—and with that much manpower, three months yielded a lot of promising results.

Still, a lot of the work was powered by Shikamaru's ideas; that kind of mental exhaustion did a number on a person, and it was a huge reason as to why she stood nearly two month pregnant with his child. So, Sakura knew that he needed time; because, Shikamaru was a fucking mess.

No one came out of the war unscathed. A lot of their friends and family died in those final battles; and on that list were his and Ino's fathers. It must have been hard, losing both father figures within the span of a few months, Sakura figured. But what she didn't understand is how he had distanced himself from his family since his father's death. His breakdown with Asuma was hard enough, but this—this was something else. A sadness so raw and masked by such indifference, it fooled a lot of people, but it didn't fool her.

It was a lot to think about. The average person would probably wear themselves out trying to sort everything. Someone with enough brainpower would run themselves into the ground because they were tortured with the ability _to think and not stop. _Which is where Sakura currently saw Shikamaru stand.

The thing is, Shikamaru hadn't been able to stop _thinking _since she told him the big news. And while she'd been staying at his apartment, not ready to face her parents at the off chance that they would return from their mission early, Sakura knew that with all that thinking, he hadn't been able to sleep. No, Shikamaru hadn't been able to sleep.

And she'd been here for three days. He'd been awake for _three days_. Three days! Hell, she'd never seen him awake for three _hours_ before!

And it was actually starting to scare her.

When she wandered into his kitchen for the third morning, she found him pacing his floors slowly, a mug of lukewarm coffee in his hands. She had to tilt her head to get a look at his downcast face, and she saw deep violet circles under his eyes. He looked like absolute hell. On the counter, she saw the two packs of cigarettes he'd gone through in those three days, (she'd made him smoke on the roof) but now, seeing how tired he was, there was no way she'd let him back on that roof until he got some sleep. Otherwise he'd fall off and knock himself unconscious. Then again, he might get some sleep that way…Nah.

"Shika?"she said sweetly. She took little steps his way, like she was approaching a baby deer (oh, the irony). "When did you last sleep?"

No answer.

Yeah, screw this whole gentle business. Sakura walked up and pried the mug from his hands. She took a whiff of the coffee and grimaced. What terrible coffee. "Alright, come on, let's go on the couch, yeah? A nice sit…" she steered him over to the living area and he complied without complaint. He wasn't saying _anything. _She snapped her fingers in his face. "Shikamaru? Shikamaru!" She gently knocked the back of her hand on his cheeks, trying to get something out of it. "Honey, come on, snap out of it," she whispered.

"Hmm," he finally grunted, removing her hand. His fingers ran over his knuckles a few times before he dropped her hand. "Sorry. I haven't—-I haven't been able to sleep much. A lot on my mind." he explained.

Sakura went up to massage his temples. "Yeah? I can help with that." she began working chakra into his system; it was a little trick she learned to help ninjas was PTSD sleep a little better. He groaned a bit, sighing into her touch, and Sakura flashed a smile. "Time for some sleep."

Shikamaru leaned back into the couch cushions, and Sakura finally felt all his rigid muscles relax. He curled up a bit, reminiscent of a little kid. She moved her hands and helped position him a little better so he could nap without straining his neck. "Hey, Sakura?"

"Yeah?" she hummed while she took the blanket off the back and wrapped it around him.

"…don't call me honey ever again." and with that, he finally dozed off.

She laughed. "Sure thing, lazy-ass."

-/-

Sakura Haruno was smart enough to know when to ask for help. Just because she was smart enough to ask for help didn't mean she liked to do it.

But the thing was, Shikamaru was _not _ snapping out of it. He was running himself into the ground with the weight of that annoyingly big brain of his. She was really hoping that after she used her medical ninjutsu to help him sleep, he'd rest up and then the two of them would march down to his mother's house and beg for mercy. Or he would, at least; she didn't really think she had anything to worry about. But that wasn't the case—he had woken up from his long sleep just to end up pacing around the fucking village for an entire week.

And it was just ri-goddamn-diculous.

Sakura could try with all her might to sedate the boy (the tally was up to three) but the truth of the matter was, her forcing him to sleep for two hours every full moon wasn't going to make anything better. It would just leave her unborn child a father that walked like the undead. No, this was something further out of her reach.

He needed Team 10.

Sakura looked for Chouji first—she figured maybe he needed a little man-to-man talk. But as it turned out, Chouji was out on a mission for more supplies for the village, and wouldn't be back for two more weeks.

That left the person who probably knew him best. The only problem was _Sakura couldn't fucking find her._

As Shikamaru busied himself with whatever the hell was proving to be a distraction, Sakura looked for Ino. She looked for Ino at the flower shop, at her station at the hospital, at the various construction sites, at her house, _under rocks, _but the blonde Yamanaka was nowhere to be found. Well, no, scratch that. Sakura was a ninja—she could find Ino, easy…if she wanted to be found. Which meant she was avoiding her. Usually she'd say that Ino was being pretty petty but Sakura could understand needing a little distance. For, like, a day though. Not close to two weeks! Team 10 was more alike than she could have ever imagined.

After her shift at the hospital (begrudgingly, thought understandably, she was removed from construction works completely) Sakura decided the games were stopping today. She would yank Ino by her ponytail and twirl her around like a lasso if she had to, but she was going to make her talk to that lazy-ass before he ended up dead in a ditch.

She checked the flower shop first; no go. So, she circled around and passed the Academy where she saw the last wing being built; Team 8 was currently on duty, evidenced by the giant white dog she spotted playing with some academy children off to the side. She squinted through the afternoon sun and spotted Kiba on the roof, squabbling and hammering with what looked like Kankuro. "Yo, Kiba!" she shouted, waving her hand to get his attention.

"Babe!" he hooted, waving his hands about. A few other ninja looked up when they heard Kiba holler, and even more watched as Kiba lost his balance in his enthusiastic greeting. He almost lost his balance when Kankuro used a few chakra strings to grab him and hold him to the room. Kankuro called him a moron, Kiba called him a tightass, but the two of them were grinning as they took a break and hopped off the roof to greet Sakura. "Hey, hey, you aren't supposed to be here, 'member?" Kiba chided her, pointing to her stomach. "Got to keep the village hero's kid safe, right?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. What was she stupid? She knew better than to go walk right under construction and risk just-

Wait. Village hero's kid?

Oh-no. No, no, no, no way. They didn't think that…that she and Naruto…

Holy shit. They did.

"Wait no what?" she blurted out before she could catch herself, earning her some funny looks. Ugh, this was a mess. But luckily, they thought she was freaking out because her secret was leaked, not that they were spreading false information.

Kankuro shrugged, a bit sheepish. "Word kind of got out when Tsunade started a betting pool with Kakashi about your kid."

"What kind of bet?" she said slowly.

"On whether or not you'd marry Naruto before or after you have the thing," Kiba explained. "Kakashi's giving you two only errr, four months I think."

Some sensei he was. Sakura cracked her knuckles and the two boys took a significant step back. Rightfully so. "But before you get all hormonal or whatever like pregnant women do," Kiba was such an insensitive twit. "Tsunade has you down for like 5 + years. Pretty ballsy. She knows you well, though, so maybe this time she'll actually win."

"Probably not," Kankuro chimed in, and Kiba ended up nodding in reluctance. The puppeteer raised his hands in surrender. "I didn't participate, Sakura-san. I swear."

Kiba snickered. "His sisteris sHis didn't let him."

"I really should have let you fall off that roof," he grumbled. "See if I'll ever help _you _again."

"Won't need it, dude!"

While the two boys continued bickering like _boys, _Sakura was left to think about how absolutely fucked up her entire situation was. Ino knew that Shikamaru was the one who'd gotten her pregnant, but if Tsunade told everyone she thought it was Naruto (How stupid of her not to even _think_ to tell Tsunade _not_ to go running off making assumptions) and now the whole village thought she was carrying Naruto Uzumaki's kid? How was she going to set this right? Apparently, she was readable as fuck, so was her and Shikamaru such a far-fetched concept? Would anybody believe her?

Well, obviously, Ino would. If she could just, you know, _find her._

Sakura cut them off when Kankuro started calling Kiba dog-breath. "Boys, boys," she waved her hands in the air, a picture of frustration and confusion. "No…just. No. You've got it all wrong. All. Wrong. I don't even know where to _begin _ but—" she sighed. "I will sort this out another day. Tomorrow, even. Right now, I've got a bigger mess to clean up. So, do you know where I can find Ino?"

Kiba pointed down the road. "She's at the flower shop."

Sakura clicked her tongue and shook her head once. "No, she's not. I was just there."

"Uh, yeah, she is." Kiba's chuckle got caught in his throat. "I'm looking right at her. At the entrance. Watering the plants," his voice jumped an octave as he continued to prove he was right. "Riiiiight over there."

Sakura whipped around and sure enough, there was Ino Yamanaka, watering potted hanging plants by the entrance. Without a goodbye, she marched away, fists balled up, ready to bash in some heads—one pretty blonde in particular. "OI! PIG!" she shouted over the street.

If Ino wasn't a trained ninja , Sakura was sure she'd have jumped so high she'd land on the fourth's nose on Hokage mountain. With a loud shriek Ino dropped the watering can and ran inside the shop, switching the "OPEN" sign to "CLOSED."

"Oh, _hell _no." Sakura ran down the rest of the road and proceeded to bang on the now locked door of the Yamanaka flower shop. "Ino! Ino, open the door!"

"Go away!"

Sakura paused, if just for a second. Those two words were weighted with something much more than just blind rage and frustration. "Please, open up?" This time, she made sure to be quieter, but the frustration was still clearly there. "I need to talk to you."

The door wretched open and Sakura came face to face with a pair of steely blue eyes, glossed with tears. "Well, I don't need to talk to you. So leave." Slam. The nerve! The bitch almost got her hair in the door too.

The pinkette went back to banging on the door like an idiot. "Just let me in for few minutes! This—this isn't even about me, okay? If you're mad at me fine, deal with that another day but please I need you to help!"

Ino rolled her eyes behind the door. "Oh, you need me, huh?" she sneered. "Well why don't you go ask Naruto, hmm? Or, or, Tsunade? Sai? Or best yet, what about Shikamaru? They all must be better options than me."

The voice was hardly muffled through the door. Behind her, Sakura could practically feel the villagers stopping to stare. Honestly, at this rate, she figured she'd be more talked about than the village hero! And that was seriously messed up. "Okay, move it, piggy, I'm coming in."

A beat of silence. Then, "Don't you _dare _ break down—"

_CRASH!_

Too late.

Ino leapt out of the way in time before Sakura came barreling through , knocking the door right over. The blonde had half a mind to chastise Sakura's behavior, being pregnant and all, but then she remembered a) Sakura probably took all that into consideration and b) oh yeah she was still mad at her. "Forehead! You broke down my door!"

She dusted her arms off and fixed her blouse, all the while looking completely calm. "Yeah, yeah, put it on my tab. So, now that we're here, we might as well talk!"

With a vase she grabbed from the front display, Ino crouched behind the register. "Get back. I said I'm not talking to you!"

This was unbelievable! Ino was acting like they were five years old. "Put the vase down!" she demanded as she circled round the register to get to Ino; the Yamanaka simply ran back around starting a childish game of avoidance. "Ino, I told you this isn't about me! This is about Shikamaru."

Ino looked ready to throw the vase; Sakura literally cowered because holy shit _she swore Ino was going to throw the vase. _ "What I wouldn't give to be able to sock you right now, you pregnant cow!" She screeched at the top of her lungs. "I'm not helping him either! Why should I?"

Seriously? "Ino, what are you talking about? Shikamaru is your teammate! He's your best friend! Look, he's such a mess right now, he hasn't slept in a _week _and try as I might, I can't get through to him. I think—I think part of it's his dad. He needs his best friend, Ino. You got to help him!"

Ino just stood there…_shaking. _It was like every intense emotion overlapped messily, coursing through her veins. Sakura saw fear, anger, sadness, and so so much _hurt. _Blonde strands of hair clung to her cheeks as she opened and closed her mouth repeatedly before the vase finally fell from her hands and shattered. Tears finally slipped from her eyes and rolled down her eyes in ugly patterns before she screamed, "Help him? Help _him? _ _What about me!? Someone help me, dammit!"_

Shit.

This…this wasn't part of Sakura's plan.

"He wasn't the only one who lost a father that day!" Ino seethed. "He needs me now? Well, I needed him ages ago!" she sobbed. "I needed him, Sakura," her voice shrunk to a broken whisper. "I needed him, and he left me all alone. The one person who could understand how I felt and he wasn't there."

A silence washed over them; it suffocated her, drowned any words Sakura tried to offer. It ticked on and on for what felt like hours but couldn't have been more than a few seconds before Ino looked her dead in the eye and delivered the final blow like a kunai to the heart.

"He wasn't there, apparently, because he was with _you_."

Ouch.

Sakura couldn't help but visibly cringe at those words—it was true, and she knew it. She was selfish these past few months and a lot of her friends had seen neglect—but it was then she realized no one had gotten more neglect than Ino.

"Ino," her name fell of her tongue awkwardly. "I'm sorry. I—"

Impressively, Ino collected herself quickly. "Save it. I don't want to hear it. Want my help? Want some _advice?" _A pause. "I'll give you some advice. I've been getting through these past few months on my own just fine. I didn't get any help. Shikamaru has you, he has Temari, he has the whole village to get help from—he doesn't need _my_ help. And he isn't going to get it. So you two can figure this out on your own-" she waved her hand dismissively as she turned her back. "Good luck with the whole baby business. You're gonna need it."

Sakura knew that deep down Ino didn't mean it. That right now she was hurt and frustrated and maybe jealous for all the wrong reasons, but she'd never call her out on it. But she also didn't know what to say or do that could help get the both of them back on track to forgiving.

She finally settled on asking the question plaguing her mind. "How'd you know the truth?" Sakura asked quietly as she ran her hands along the counters. Her friend simply snorted in reply.

"About the baby being Shikamaru's, not Naruto's?" Ino rolled her eyes. " Tsunade was too quick to jump to assumptions—the whole village was, actually. But I can't blame them. I only knew better because being alone all this time makes you pay attention," she said, tone clipped, and Sakura winced once more. But Ino was still her friend deep down, no matter what, and a part of her for whatever reason decided that she should pull back on the harsh attitude. "Because I know you, Forehead. And I know Shikamaru. I just…knew, okay?"

"Shikamaru's smarts rubbing off on you huh?"

Ino sighed.

"You know, Ino," Sakura said quietly as she wandered to the busted doorway. "I think I only said it once, but another time will do. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so terribly sorry about what happened to Asuma, to your father, to Shikamaru's father. But Ino?"

A pause.

"You weren't the only one who lost someone in the war—other people lost, too. I lost my teammate."

She left without another word.

Ino stared at her retreating figure for a few seconds before her eyes wandered to the broken, shattered vase on the floor; it was one of the nicer ones they had, all dolled up and painted. Well, it _was_ nice. Now it was a million pieces, jagged and crooked, ugly and chipped. She wasn't even sure she'd be able to piece it together again—her mother would be furious.

She gave it one last look and decided she'd pick it up later.

.

notes: Ahh! I'm really having way too much fun writing this! I'm trying a slightly new writing style, and I'm really liking where it's going. I personally find my variations of humor my best works, but I'll let you decide that. Again, a lot of this was pretty serious and I wanted to make it seem so without making it melodramatic. As always, I'd love to hear what you think, especially since I'm trying something new with this one, and I'd like to know how I'm pulling it off. I know a lot of you are reading this-it's got a lot of follows, so thanks! :D Thank you for all the support so far, and hopefully in the future as well. Feel free to address any questions or concerns! Thanks!


	4. Village Hero to the Rescue

_unconventional_

_._

Naruto Uzumaki was many things.

First and foremost, he was a moron; that much had been made clear to him for the entirety of his sixteen years of living. He didn't exactly see it, though. Sure, pulling pranks on Iruka sensei, painting the Hokage mountain all those times, loudly declaring his dreams and ambitions, those weren't the smartest things to _do_, but it took a lot of wit to get past guards and security to play those pranks. Hmm, maybe in the end it didn't have to do with pranks as much as it had to do with being dead-last at the academy. Go figure.

He was also the Jinchuriki of the nine-tails, of course. That at first yielded a lot more bad than good early in his life, but he was proud to say he was now master of that power. The nine-tails gave him immense chakra, strength and quick recovery, just to name a few perks. Once he got the hang of it, it made him a super-fast learner (dead-last was a thing in the past!) which of course led to him also creating his own jutsu, creating a summoning contract, and becoming a sage. Oh, and of course there was the whole hero of the village gig.

See? A lot of things. Impressive things, thanks very much.

But Naruto Uzumaki was also helpless. For the past several days he had seen his friends walk around beating themselves up, tearing themselves down, kicking themselves for the mistakes and choices they'd made. Shikamaru was in a complete daze, a zombie of sorts. The poor guy had been giving Naruto's clones wrong directions (he ended up building a roof over a training grounds, don't ask) and overall slipping up. Usually, he had to pry Shikamaru from under a tree to get him to work, but it looked like the guy hadn't slept in days, choosing work over sleep. Sakura was a little better, at least in terms of hours of sleep per night, but she was still stressed. He'd tried visiting her at her office at the hospital, bringing her dinner to Shikamaru's apartment, but it was a no-go. She was running around doing who knows what but it wasn't fooling him. He knew his best friend and she was unraveling at the seams.

Naruto needed to do more. But what? He'd have to figure that out. Because in the end, Naruto Uzumaki was a lot of things—he'd help them, he had to. In the end, he couldn't help Sasuke, and now he was dead. Naruto wouldn't let that happen to anymore of his friends. Not on his watch.

"Ne, Baa-chan, sorry I'm late," Naruto apologized as he walked into the Hokage's office. It was a lie, they both knew it. He was never sorry for being late.

Only this time, Tsunade didn't look as peeved as she normally was. She looked up from her paperwork, new glasses framing her wrinkled eyes and gave…a smile? He was pretty sure punching him into the wall was the next step. "No problem, Naruto, take a seat."

He almost didn't want to. Why was she being so nice? He was late! Was this consequence of her aging jutsu starting to wear off? Because it was creeping him out, big time "Uhhh, suuuure," he drawled, tip-toeing to his seat. Tsunade continued to scrawl at her boring paperwork that would someday be his responsibility. Hopefully. _Please._

A couple minutes later she finally set the pen down, crossed her arms across her chest and leaned forward, giving him another one of her little smiles.

What. The. Hell.

"…Uh, Baa-chan…?"

"Naruto," she started, "You've been doing a great job helping with the rebuild projects. Your clones are doing wonders—you're working very hard, and it shows."

Oh God, she was complimenting him now make it _stop._ "Oh, uhh…thanks, I guess?" he shrugged. His hand went up to scratch the back of his head in that oh-so-common sheepish gesture of his. "But I'm just doing my job. And it's not like that many clones are _that_ much energy for me…." He trailed off because really, Tsunade's compliments were never this straightforward.

"Nonsense!" she waved him off. "I'm giving you a break from all the manual labor," she tossed scroll his way, which he caught with ease. Mission scrolls were always really long, and Naruto didn't have the greatest of attention spans when it came to the boring details, but at the top he noticed it said he was supposed to go to…Suna? "Why do you need me to go to Suna?" he asked.

"Supplies," was her easy answer, but seriously unless they were low on um, let's see, _sand,_ Suna offered very little supplies.

"No, really."

Tsunade cracked another wide grin. "I need you to escort Temari and Kankuro back to Suna. Unless they've already discussed it among themselves, you all will discuss the new terms of our alliances with Gaara. There's a few approved options that I've run over with them, so whichever they choose is up to them. Either Kankuro or Temari will take up permanent residence here, switch off, send someone else...whichever they decide, it's your job to figure it out."

Ugh, a diplomatic mission. Not one of Naruto's strong suits. "Uh, are you sure you want me on this one? There's others way better. Like maybe…" he trailed off when he realized the other two best options were no other than Shikamaru and Sakura. Who of course, were a little preoccupied at the moment. Okay, that made _way_ more sense now! He wasn't the first option, that explained it! Yeah, maybe he should be a little offended, but when Naruto said diplomatic missions weren't his strong suit, he really meant it. Then again, it was probably a good habit to break if he ever wanted to be Hokage—sooner than later, right?

"It's also a good opportunity for you to learn a few things. I've already spoken to Gaara ahead of time, and he's agreed to tutor you in the ropes of running a village. Maybe you'll listen to _him,"_ she grumbled the last part and Naruto smiled because _that_ sounded like the Tsunade he knew and loved—she wasn't herself if she wasn't complaining about him! But it was true, what she said. He probably would have an easier time listening to Gaara because after all—

…Wait.

"…Learn the ropes of running a village?" he repeated back because honestly, he couldn't manage to say anything else.

A curt nod. "Yep. The start of this mission begins your official Hokage training."

_Holy shit._

Her smile lessened into something soft and sincere. "So I guess a Congratulations is in order. Well, actually, more than one."

_Holy Shit. He was going to be Hokage! Holy shit, holy shit!_

"I hear you and Sakura are having a baby!"

_Yes! A baby too! Holy Shit, Holy—_

Wait, no. Rewind and freeze.

"Sakura and I are having a…?" Nothing else was coming out of his mouth, nothing. Why? Because he was going to be _Hokage._ Tell Tsunade she had it all wrong? Not possible because _Hokage._ He couldn't even think because he was the damn future _Hokage!_

So he just…nodded.

Which as it probably turns out, was the _wrong_ thing to do. But like he said, he was a moron. Who was, oh yeah, HOKAGE!

.

.

On his way out of the newly-built Hokage tower, he quite literally ran into the sand siblings, one of which laughed at him and the other kind of scowled. Geez, it wasn't like he bent her fan or something. "Hey, guys!" the words fell sloppily and hurriedly out of his mouth. "You, uh, going for a briefing?"

Temari considerably relaxed and her expression softened into an easy smile. "Yeah, we're due to go back to Suna to visit…Gaara…" she trailed off, baffled, at the sight of Naruto Uzumaki bouncing up and down like a five year old waiting for an ice cream. "Uh," laughter bubbled out, "What's up, kid?"

"Nothing!" he chirped happily. "I just—I got to….have you seen Sakura-chan anywhere?"

The frown reappeared, if only slightly. "No, haven't seen her."

Kankuro laughed. "I saw her leave the hospital not too long ago—she probably went home."

"Okay thanks guys talk to you later bye!" was his rushed thanks as he booked it down the fresh roads of Konoha.

"That kid!" Kankuro howled, bumping his shoulder against his sister. "Never tires. Wonder why he's so excited. Well, we better go see about the whole ambassadorship business," he grunted, adjusting his pack on his back. "Now, are you _sure_ you want _me_ to be the one who stay in Konoha?" as the two walked up the stairs, he bumped her shoulder playfully. "I thought you had a thing for pineapple head."

She continued to frown and shook her head. "Don't be silly," she eyed him briefly. "Are you not okay with moving or something?"

The puppeteer shrugged. "I'm good. I mean, I'll be away from you and Garra, which will suck a little, but I've made a lot of friends here, more than I ever made back home. I'd be just fine." As they finished climbing the stairs and walked down the hallway to Tsunade's office, he said, "I just wanted to make sure you weren't running away from your problems."

Temari scoffed. "I don't run away from my problems," she argued. "And I have no problem to run away from."

"Uh-huh," he smiled. "But boys are a whole different game, sis. Never know what to expect from you when it comes to them." He reached up and knocked on Tsunade's door, who gave them the okay to go in. "Doesn't matter. We'll have plenty of time to discuss it."

They were barely inside the office for five seconds when a chunin brushed past them, frantic and mumbling apologies as he ran up and hand delivered a sealed scroll to Tsunade herself. As the door shut, the two remaining sand ninja watched as Tsunade's lips curled into a frown upon reading the message. "Everything alright, Hokage-sama?" Kankuro asked.

She hummed, low-pitched and not assuring. "Don't know yet…" she mumbled. Tsunade seemed calm enough until the she grabbed the mug on her desk and smashed it into the window behind her. "Shit," she hissed as the glass punctured her palm and sent small trickles of blood to snake down her wrist. But seconds later, she was composed once more, like nothing had happened. "Nevermind that, let's see to the details of your departure. In a week sound good?"

The meeting continued, but all the sand siblings could think about was that damn scroll.

.

.

"SAKURA-CHAAAAAN!"

The sun had just dipped down under the horizon and the last of the workers rebuilding were packing up their things. They all greeted the sight of Naruto screaming Sakura's name with amused chuckles and shakes of the head. Some tried helping him along, telling him where they'd seen her last, or where she might be, but for the most part, his calls were unanswered. He rounded a corner and went down the street where the new ramen stand was, when he spotted Shikamaru lazily trudging along, his hands in his pocket and his head downcast. "Oi, Shikamaru! Shikamaruuuuu! Shika—"

Naruto stopped as Shikamaru froze in the middle of the street. He turned around slowly and greeted the blonde with a tired smile. "Ah, hello, Naruto. Done for the day?"

Naruto jogged up to catch up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. He got a look at the dark circles under Shikamaru's eyes. "Sure am. You going home?"

Hesitant, Shikamaru shook his head no. "I've got a few more things to do. I should probably go over to the records building and then meet with Sai to check up on new security—"

"You should go home and sleep, Shikamaru."

Yeah, probably—too bad he couldn't. Reaching into his pocket, the tired ninja fished out a cigarette and his lighter, and a frown tugged at Naruto's lips as he pulled his hand away. "You're smoking again?" he asked. "Didn't Sakura-chan tell you that isn't healthy?"

"It's not," he told him, cigarette between his teeth as he tried to light a flame. The lighter was low on fluid, but it had enough, he was sure of it. He kept trying to get it, but the damn thing wouldn't _light_ and his hand wouldn't stop _shaking _and he was so tired his vision was _blurred_ and—

Naruto reached over and gently tugged the lighter from his hands and lit his cigarette for him. Shikamaru mumbled thanks, but noticed that the blonde pocketed the lighter instead of giving it back. So much for thanks, he thought. "I'm stressed—smoking helps."

"As long as you don't make it a habit, dattebayo!" Naruto chirped and immediately felt his cheeks redden. He'd really thought he'd just about kicked that habit himself.

"You mean like that little saying?" Shikamaru teased, and well, Naruto decided it was worth it because he swore he saw a smile on the Nara's face.

"Yeah, yeah!" he laughed it off. Shikamaru continued walking down the road, silently, hands stuffed back in the pockets, and Naruto could kind of tell it was his quiet way of saying he wanted to be alone. But, being alone clearly wasn't doing Shikamaru any good _whatsoeve_r, so as his friend, Naruto decided he'd help as best he can. "Hey, wait up!" he called, and jogged back to catch up. "I know clouds are kind of you're thing, but have you ever gone star-gazing?"

"Star-gazing?" he asked, lifting his head and blowing rings into the air.

"Yup! Back when I trained with the pervy sage, he taught me how to navigate with the stars—I know all sorts of constellations and their stories." His tilted his head back to the sky, the clouds soft and the horizon edges starting to fade into soft lavenders and bleeding into the dark blues. "Looks like a beautiful night for it too."

"Sounds romantic," Shikamaru panned, taking another drag.

Naruto pulled a face. "Heh, no way—you'll be there." He teased back, wrapping an arm in Shikamaru's head and putting him in a headlock; he struggled a bit but then—and there it was, another smile! But it faded quickly as he let go. "Aw come on, Shikamaru, I won't kiss you, I promise. I just think…Well, I think you could use a good Naruto-talk."

"_Naruto-talk_…?"

"Yeah, it's this new thing I'm trying out. Might save a friend or two." He whispered the last part, and Shikamaru recognized the sadness in his voice. "Or something of the like. So come on you big lazy ass. Let's go tell stories under the stars."

"God, you're taking me out on a _date." _he whined pathetically.

"Yeah, no, don't go spreading that rumor," he begged. "But really, it's not every day the Hokage offers his sagely advice."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "You aren't Hokage yet."

Naruto jogged ahead. "That's what you thiiiink!" he sung before he darted down the street.

In Shikamaru's opinion (which in all honesty, was usually fact) he was much too tired for all this. "Wait, Naruto I don't really want to—Wait, what do you mean? Naruto? Naruto!" he called back, but the blonde was too far down the street, laughing his ass off.

"WHOO! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE!"

So in the end, Shikamaru ground his cigarette in the ground and followed because he _had_ to hear this.

.

.

"Did Tsunade tell you how long your Hokage training would take?" Shikamaru asked, interrupting Naruto's telling of some particular tale. (Naruto failed to mention that the mythology he learned was of his own invention. There weren't _that_ many frogs in the sky)

He groaned."Oi, if you keep interrupting me, you'll never learn how the prince and princess frog got stuck in the stars!" he warned.

Shikamaru rolled over on his side away from his companion, letting his fingers rake through the grass of the hill they were on. The grass was almost more interesting than the loud-mouthed brat at the moment. God, he was tired. "If you keep talking nonsense, I'll fall asleep."

"Good. You need to rest," was Naruto's easy reply. At fear of maybe even falling asleep in this field and having Naruto carry him home (Then he really would have a hard time disputing that this was _not _a date) Shikamaru rolled back over and propped his elbow up, letting his head rest in the palm of his hand. "Why are you asking anyway? I'm sure you've already gotten it figured it," Naruto asked with a shrug.

"How would I know how long it takes to train a Hokage?" he drawled. Sometimes being the village genius was _hard. _Too many assumptions.

"Be_cause," _Naruto elongated the word, "You know everything."

Silence slipped between them, wading in the soft grasses before Naruto heard a quiet, "Not everything."

The thing was, Shikamaru did know just about everything—but the problem wasn't his brain this time around, it was his _heart. _You can know exactly what to do, when to do it, how to do it, but it doesn't mean anything if your heart ached. But that's where Naruto came in. While Shikamaru had the brains, Naruto had the heart.

Naruto reached over and flicked his friend on the forehead before extending his fingers to the sky. "Ne, ne, taking care of a baby isn't that tough." he backtracked, "Well, I don't think so. I don't actually _know."_

Shikamaru hummed in response. It was nice that Naruto was trying to _help _and all but he didn't really know what anyone could say at this point.

"What would your dad say?"

Apparently, one could say _that_. "…Huh?"

"Your dad," Naruto repeated. "If he were still alive. If he found out you knocked up Sakura-chan, what would he say to you?"

Heaving out a long sigh, Shikamaru lifted his head to sky and tried to trace those frogs Naruto had pointed out earlier. "I'm not sure," he finally said.

"…Is that what's been bothering you?" Naruto asked softly. "Not knowing what your dad would say?"

Shikamaru kept looking for the frogs, but he couldn't see them. Frustrated, he tried tracing other patterns in the stars, but all he saw were dots splattered on the sky, sloppy and messy like Sai had cleaned his paint brushes against the night. "A chunk of it yeah," he admitted, and Naruto heard the anger bubbling out, anger that needed to come out.

"Well you knew your dad pretty well," Naruto decided. "Just take a guess."

"I can't just _guess."_

"Why not?"

An annoyed sigh. "Because."

"That's not an answer. Why. Not." he pressed. Naruto wasn't going to let this go, not since he got a bite.

"Augh! I can't put words in his mouth! I have no idea what he'd say, don't you get that?" the grass Shikamaru was raking through his fingers was uprooted, and he threw the blades to the wind, which lazily deposited them somewhere a few feet away from him.

"You know," Naruto started, his eyes drifting between Shikamaru and the sky, "When I heard the Pervy Sage died, I totally shut down." Slowly, Shikamaru's breathing became more steady, relaxed, a sign he was listening. "I wandered the village like a total zombie—heh, sound familiar?"

No response.

"Anyway—I felt really really…alone. My parents have been dead since forever, my best friend abandoned my village and now, my teacher was dead too. I didn't think I had a lot going for me—I didn't know what _to do. _But Iruka-sensei was there for me. He found me and…and he reminded me that I knew what to do. I was just too sad to do it, at the moment. I was Jiraiya's legacy. He was proud of me, but I had to keep moving, otherwise that praise means nothing, you know?"

The silence started snaking through them again. Then, "…pick up the pieces." Shikamaru mumbled.

"Hmm?"

Shikamaru swallowed thickly and turned his head to face his friend. "When Asuma-sensei died. I was a wreck, too. But my—my dad told me to let all the anger and sadness out and when it was all done _he'd_ pick up the pieces. But now…with all this baby business…"

When Shikamaru looked back up at the sky he didn't see frogs in the sky—but he did see a flower. "I guess there comes a time when we all have to learn to pick up our own pieces, huh?" he whispered.

Naruto clucked his tongue. "Nahhh," he disagreed. "Not necessarily. Sometimes it just has to be someone new." he sighed, a really, really sad, defeated sigh."But you got to let that person help, you know? Give them a _chance_…"

_Sasuke._

When Shikamaru started tracing the stars again, he found a garden.

"Naruto."

"Yeah?"

"...Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet." he laughed, suddenly sheepish, turning the whole serious moment into something silly. Shikamaru did not like that tone of voice. That was a guilty tone of voice he used when he broke something or did something dumb.

"What did you do." he asked, already regretting it.

"Nothing, nothing!" but of course, that was a lie. "Well, okay not exactly. I mean, it was my fault, but not my fault _originally, _you see? It's like this…are you aware the whole village thinks Sakura's baby is..uh, how do I put this…mine?"

No, Shikamaru was not aware. Wow, what a mess.

"It's not my fault!" he defended. "The old hag jumps to conclusions. And then I was too excited about being Hokage that I kind of…forgot to mention…the truth?"

Nice pick for future Hokage, Shikamaru thought. Real nice.

"What a _drag," _Shikamaru groaned. He rolled over, his hands pulling and stretching at his face before they fell limp to his side and he curled up into himself. "Okay, don't worry," he yawned. "I'll fix it."

He was out like a light.

.

.

When it was nearly 2 am, Sakura woke to the sound of someone pounding on Shikamaru's door. "Okay, okay, I'm coming! Sheesh!" she ripped open the door. "You'd better have a good reason as to coming home so late Shika…maru."

Her hand flew to cover her mouth to stifle a laugh. The situation at the doorstep was quite a sight. There was Naruto, a sheepish smile on his face, holding a sleeping Shikamaru in his arms like he was his bride.

Awww. Cute.

"Got a package for you." he said, all pearly white teeth flashing.

"Just leave it on the doorstep," she joked, but she stepped aside to let the two of them through. Naruto took the liberty of going over to set him on the couch, but Sakura stopped him. "Go ahead and put him in his bed—he deserves a good night's rest."

"But Sakura—"

She rolled her eyes. Men. "I can sleep on the couch for once, it won't kill me, honestly. Go." He did, and seconds later he returned, a skip in his step. "Did you remember his teddy bear?" she laughed.

He grinned. "Yup. Favorite blanket too."

Sakura put her hands on her hips in a display of mock disapproval. "Try not to bring him home so late, _dear."_

He scoffed, walking over and collecting Sakura in a gentle hug. His chin rested on the top of her head. "Ah, you know how kids are these day. He's a wild one."

If anyone asked, Sakura was _so not blushing. _"Hmmm. Well, anyway," she gently pushed him away. "I guess you found him passed out in the middle of the street?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not exactly. Me and him had a talk—" he puffed out his chest. "A manly man to man talk. So manly, it wore the poor man out. Didn't have the heart to wake him."

"So you carried him back home like he was your girlfriend?" she laughed.

The teasing didn't get to him—he was in too good a mood."Yup. I think come tomorrow morning, you'll see he'll be ready to do what he needs to do."

This came as a surprise to Sakura. "Wait, hold up, you _fixed _him?"

Naruto pulled a face, obviously not fond of her choice of words. "Eh, something like that."

"Wow, must have been a busy day for you," she said, striding past him to the kitchen. Since she was up, she figured she might as well make a cup of tea.

"OOH, THAT REMINDS ME!" he shouted, and she immediately shushed him because for God's sake they just put the "baby" down for his nap! Sakura didn't want to listen to his whining if he woke up, that was for sure.

"What?" she hissed, but he was already tugging her away from the kitchen and towards the door.

"Ne, ne, I'll tell you all about it on our way to get some ramen."

It was _2am was he serious. _"It's a little late for ramen, don't you think?"

"The stand is open 24 hours for a reason, Sakura-chan." he squeezed her hand gently. "Please?" he begged softly. "I promise this will be the most important middle of the night ramen trip of your _life."_

Regrettably, her stomach growled. Ugh. Damn her pregnancy to hell. Weird cravings so soon? "Strangely enough, ramen does sound good…"

Two seconds flat, they were already out the door, her hand firmly in his as she tugged her along. "Well you see, it all happened this evening, when Tsunade called me in to explain my mission, right. Well, turns out, it's some special kind of training."

"Training, what kind of training?"

Naruto beamed, his face sporting the largest shit-eating grin she'd ever seen. Then, he squeezed her hand once more, and told her the rest. And throughout it all, all the shouting and whopping and hugging and cheering, she let him hold her hand. Because after all, Naruto was her very best friend. But whether or not he was even more than that, Sakura had yet to know.

Yes, Naruto Uzumaki was many things indeed.

.

.

**notes**: oooh things are getting com-pli-cated!I spent forever on Naruto's and Shikamaru's scene. It's hard to have two people talking under the stars and not make it romantic :/ Hope I pulled it off, in the end. Again, hope everything's come across clear, that you all like it, that there aren't any major problems blah blah blah. I've continued to get wonderful feedback; it's nice to know so many of you were so pleasantly surprised, so thank you for taking the time to tell me that. And as always, further support is appreciated, and I look forward to anything you might have to say! Don't be afraid to leave a comment or ask a question-I'll answer it. Thanks!

PS: FF NET keeps fucking with the format, and line breaks are disappearing, so apologies for the inconsistency


	5. Coming Clean and Propositions

unconventional

.

It was quite a sight, to be honest. Little old Sakura and Shikmaru on a nice walk. Well, not_ nice_, per say. And not as much _walking_ as much as tugging and _dragging_. And by the looks of it, Sakura was putting up a really good fight; she had managed to grab hold of a pillar that held up an overhead on a restaurant.

"I changed my mind, I don't want to go!" Sakura moaned, wrapping her arms tightly around the pillar. People eating in the outside patio of said restaurant could _hear_ Shikamaru roll his eyes as he swiftly wrapped his arms around Sakura's waist and started to give a good tug,

"For fuck's sake," Shikamaru grumbled, dodging her legs as they kicked at his shins. He tugged harder. "You were the one that told me to get my shit together! and I did! So, now we need to—"

"No!" she blurted, pressing her body tighter to the pole.

Shikamaru cursed his every living cell. "No? What do you mean no? Sakura, we have to go talk to my—"

She whined again. "No, don't finish that god forsaken sentence I am _begging _you." Shikamaru ignored her and started tugging again. She lifted her legs in a quick attempt to wrap them around the pillar for better support, but Shikamaru was faster and quickly snagged her by the legs, and kept tugging.

"I will use my shadow technique." he grunted.

Sakura snarled. "I can break out of that one."

"No you can't." he replied, suddenly more bored than annoyed.

"Um, yes, I can."

"No, you can't," he repeated. "I tried it on you, remember? It wasn't exactly _combat _circumstances…"

Sakura blushed as bright as her hair at the mention of their sexual encounter because _how dare he use emotional warfare that is a woman's weapon dammit. _ "I hate you," she grumbled.

He seized what fraction of an opportunity he had to grab her and pry her from the building, slinging her over one of his shoulders. The villagers looked on with a mixture of shock and humor.

Sakura started pounding into his back with her fists—and it hurt, because she had those stupid chakra controlled punches. "Put me down, you ass! I am carrying valuable cargo! This is no way to treat me."

"I'm not hurting you, pipe down." he remarked, making a bee-line for the Nara grounds. The sooner they got this over with, the better, he figured.

"Well I'm not doing it." she said, finally stopping her attack on his poor, poor back. But the way her body deflated told Shikamaru that she was done fighting completely. Physically, at least. More nagging was sure to come. "I wish Naruto hadn't fixed you."

He, on the other hand, was quite grateful Naruto had. "Whatever you say, Sakura."

The rest of the walk was pretty quiet, and even though Sakura had stopped putting up a fight, he didn't trust her enough to set her down. Not until he had knocked on the door and his mother was opening said door.

"You know, Suna is really lovely this time of year," Sakura finally said. "But like, we'd have to leave right now, you feel me?"

"Stop _talking._"

"Ughhhh."

.

.

"Shikamaru!" his mother greeted him brightly, hug and all, before her eyes slid to Sakura and she did the same. "Oh, and you've brought Sakura as well, how lovely." she smiled, all genuine and _nice _and Sakura was starting to think she might come out of this alive. How lovely indeed.

His mother was not at all how he depicted her. Shikamaru always said his mother was nagging and controlling and _blah blah blah_, but the way Sakura saw it, she was just like any other mom, much like her own, in fact.

Well, that was until Yoshino smacked her son upside the head as soon as the two were inside behind closed doors.

Ugh, she was going to smack _both _their heads off when they were through with this.

"Where have you been," she berated lightly, already padding into the kitchen to put the kettle on. "My only son moves out, and doesn't so much as visit me!" she scoffed, but the two teens could tell she seemed rather hurt. "Well, no matter, you're here now." She waved the two off into the living room. "Sit, sit, I'll be in there in a sec."

"I'm dead," Sakura whispered, as soon as she's out of earshot.

"Shh!" he hissed, placing his hand at the small of her back and pushing her to the living room. "Just play it cool."

Yoshino returned minutes later, a tray of tea for them all. "Now, to what do I owe this lovely visit?" she asked, handing them all the tea. Immediately, Sakura's hands shook madly, spurts of tea flying out the edges. Shikamaru was quick to snag it from her hands and put it on the coffee table, offering a nervous chuckle in the process.

"Sakura's just a little nervous, that's all," Shikamaru explained at the sight of his mother's peculiar stare. But apparently, that was a good enough excuse because her features immediately softened into something soft and gentle, the woman his father claimed she could be.

"Oh, honey!" she leaned forward and rubbed Sakura's knee, giving it a pat. "Does this have something to do with all those rumors flying about the village?"

Sakura nodded, because her mouth was glued shut. Honest. Couldn't open it if she even tried.

"Baby, it's alright, you don't have to be scared—I won't judge you."

Beside her, Sakura heard Shikamaru sigh in relief.

"Have you told your parents?" She asked casually, leaning back in her seat and stirring honey in her tea.

Sakura shook her head again, but due to Yoshino's, ah, _persuasive _stare, she willed her mouth to move. "They aren't home yet. They're on a mission."

"Oh," Was all she replied. Well good, that seemed to satisfy her, Sakura thought. "When do they come back?"

A sinking feeling churned in her gut when she did some quick calculations and realized that her parents, were in fact, 4 days late. Well, normally she would have run into them, but then again, the whole point of her moving into Shikamaru's apartment for a few days was to avoid them until she got a grip on it all. So really, it was just a sign her plan was working. Sure, normally they'd come looking for her by now, stop by her office, ask around, but maybe they had other things to do….

Lost in her thought, The Naras realized a feared expression had engulfed Sakura's face. They recognized it quickly and Yoshino jumped on the chance to change the subject. "So, is Naruto excited?"

Without thinking, both teens moaned. Why were their lives so _shitty_ and _messed up? _Shikmaru opened his mouth, took a few deep breaths, and braved himself to come clean and explain to his mother that it wasn't Naruto who had fathered this child, but him. It would be hard, but he could do this. _He could do this._

"Yes, Naruto's very excited."

…Oh thank _God_, Sakura did it for him.

Wait

No.

Did she just…?

_Shit._

"_Sakura." _ Shikamaru said, sternly. Or at least he tried to sound stern. In retrospect, it sounded more like a pathetic wheeze.

"That's great!" Yoshino chirped, and it was weird, seeing his mother so…what's the word…nice about all this (women and babies, honestly) but he didn't have time to dwell on it because Sakura had just ruined his life and made this 126% harder than it had to be. "Are there wedding bells in the future?"

"Oh, you know," And Sakura's voice was about an octave and a half higher than it normally was. How could a shinobi be such a shitty liar? "Maybe? In the future. The uh, far…distant future. The future-y future. That future."

Yoshino nodded sagely. "That's very wise of you, I do believe. Don't want to rush into everything like you did parenting, huh?" Ah, there's his mother's tact! Shikamaru had thought she might have lost it. How lucky that would have been for him had that been true.

But then the hounding began. "How will you two split the custody rights? Will you be moving to the hospital permanently? How's Naruto's pay for a genin going to support anything?" she slowed, only for a moment to ask, "I assume that's why you're here, advice, right, dear?

Call Sakura a Nara, she was a deer in headlights. "Well, I—"

"Are you taking the correct prenatal vitamins?"

"I have this—"

"Will you and Naruto be moving in together?"

"…."

"…."

"…."

"….Well, aren't you going to say something?"

"…I'M A LIAR I AM SO SORRY."

Shikamaru buried his face in his hands and mumbled something that sounded like "fuck my life."

Yoshino blinked once, twice. "Sakura, what are you talking about?"

Without warning, Sakura jabbed a finger at Shikamaru. "I'm sorry I'm just so scared because this whole thing is scary, you know? And god, this wasn't even planned and there was so much sake, you know? a _shit ton _of sake, right? And for one night I thought I was in love with the bastard but I'm not ,not really oh god and you're so scary and I can't handle this and I panicked and I just," Sakura paused, took a deep breath and, "Naruto and I aren't having a baby, okay? _Shikamaru _and I are having a baby!"

The silence was _suffocating. _Shikamaru was pretty sure he could weaponize it and use it to kill enemy nin. But more agonizing was every second that ticked by, watching as Yoshino did nothing, not even _blink._

Shikamaru had counted to 47 when his mother finally spoke. "Sakura, if you would, I need a word with my son. Alone."

_Fuck._

Sakura bolted to the door, whispering apologies. As soon as she shut it behind her, birds sitting in a nearby tree took flight as Yoshino, to put it eloquently, lost her _shit._

**_"SHIKAMARU!"_**

.

.

"I think that went rather well."

Shikamaru tried to give Sakura a hard look through his swollen eye. "I think you'll find you need the dictionary definition of '_well._'"

Sakura shrugged as her hands went back to healing his face…and his hands…and his ribs. "I thought she was going to cut your head off with a kunai. Both our heads, in fact. So, throwing you into wall is a much better alternative."

"She broke my face."

The medic rolled her eyes. "It's not like she knocked out any teeth, you big baby. And I healed everything—you'll just be a bit swollen and blue for awhile, s'all."

Tentatively, he touched his nose—the nose his mother had just shattered when she punched him not too long ago—and noticed it didn't hurt much at all. "Not bad."

"Thanks!" Sakura chirped. "Noses are tricky—they come out crooked a lot, but I got yours back just fine."

Shikamaru ran faces through his brain. "So you're to blame for Tenten's crooked nose."

"…That's S-ranked classified information. "

Ah, Kiba's too, probably. "D'you think the Hokage would classify this as child abuse?"

Sakura snorted. "You're kidding right? Besides, you're not a child. You're an..oh, tell me again what she called you?"

It was practically on the tip of his tongue. "A no-good, idiotic, dumbass excuse for a genius." He ran his tongue over his teeth, still tasting the coppery taste of blood. "There was probably more, but I blacked out after that."

"There was definitely more," Sakura clarified, pushing Shikamaru down on the couch. She snuggled beside him, resting her head on his chest and tangling her legs with his. "I still heard yelling after the crash. The language got much more explicit, too."

Shikamaru hummed in response as one of his hands came up to start petting her hair. She sighed in content when his nails started scratching her scalp. "You have 5 minutes," he said, and Sakura moaned.

"5 minutes of you petting me like a kitty, or 5 minutes until you throw me off the couch?"

"Both."

Sakura moaned again, snuggling closer to Shikamaru. When she started fake snoring, he reached over and pinched her forearm. "Aw, come on, I've had a rough day." she argued.

He pinched her again, harder. This time, she reciprocated and _damn it hurt. _"And so did I, thanks to you panic attack." he rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Sakura, I thought you had better control than that."

"We're not all perfect," she grumbled. "Besides I was not on active duty. I do not have to act like a ninja when I am not on active duty."

"That's not what they taught us in the academy," he teased, thinking back to how his teachers told him that shinobi never stopped being shinobi, not really.

Sakura dug her heel into his shin. "How would you know, shithead, you were asleep the whole time!" and to her surprise, his chest rumbled with his laugh.

"Ah, very true," he mumbled.

She reached up and grabbed at his ear, grinning when he winced. "So, really, what did your mother say after she beat the hell out of you?"

He pried her fingers away from his ear and decided the best way to placate her was to go back to petting her. "Not much—I'll go back and talk to her in a few days, when she's calmed down." he sighed. "In the mean time, I guess we'll work on your parents."

Sakura frowned.

"I—they aren't back yet."

"Have you actually stopped by and checked?"

Sakura nodded. "I peeked through the windows, the house is just as we left it."

Shikamaru shrugged. "I'm sure there's not much to worry about," he said, but he still found himself tucking her head securely under his chin and wrapping his arms around her. "They went for supplies, right? Those missions are always late. Either the sellers didn't have enough, they found the supplies they wanted cheaper in another town, and so forth. It's only been a few days, they'll be back soon."

"Dad probably got away with haggling," Sakura joked, but it sounded weak and broken. "He's pretty good at that you know. That's why they send him on all those missions…"

Shikamaru decided to bump his 5 minutes up to 10. But it still ended up being 30.

.

.

"I spy a lovely Yamanka!"

Ino looked up as the front door of the shop rung open and in walked one village hero. "I spy an imbecile," she quipped drily before flipping through her magazine once more. Pouting, Naruto bounced over to the register and slid on the counter with grace, leaning over to snag the magazine from her hands. "Rude!" Ino yapped.

Naruto held it high above his head, away from her reach. "You started it! I walked in being all nice and you didn't appreciate it." he took a quick look and noticed how girly the magazine was. "…Hair? You're looking at hairstyles?" he finally decided. At least he was pretty sure that was what it was for.

She snagged the magazine back. "So what?" she sneered.

He was not deterred by her snippy attitude. "Aw, I like your hair, Ino." he said and he even went as far as to touch it, much to Ino's horror. Did he not know how long it took to do all her hair? (It was part of the reason she was looking for a change. Too much work.) "It suits your pretty face. Although, seeing _both_ your eyes might be nice…"

She masked her blush with a roll of the eyes. "Okay, sure, _whatever, _but enough of your styling advice nonsense. What do you want?"

Naruto frowned. "I can't come by to just say hello to you?"

Ino softened slightly, eyes falling away from him and back to the pages. "I just don't see why you would do that…"

"Hmm," he hummed, thoughtful, before a humorless chuckle fell from his lips. "I haven't done it nearly often enough, so I guess I understand that. But you're my friend! I'm sorry if I didn't make you feel like one. I apologize, Ino-chan."

Her face scrunched up. "Don't call me that." but, Naruto was content enough that the malice had melted from her voice, leaving a hollow shell of boredom—something she probably learned from Shikamaru, which could seriously use some unlearning, if you asked him.

"It's okay," she finally sighed, and she cracked a smile when Naruto's face lit up like a fireworks display. "I'm just a little tired. What goes on?"

Hopping off the counter, he started looking through the displays of flowers. "Ne, you _were _right about me being here for something…" he trailed off, and Ino thought he looked a little guilty, which made her feel _really _guilty because after all, Naruto was like a little puppy—couldn't stand to see him whimper. "Baa-chan wanted me to ask you about a mission proposition."

That didn't sound _right _to Ino on account of when did Naruto ever get trusted by Tsunade for relaying information? "Really?" she asked, all skeptical, the word dragging out.

"Really, really." he said, picking out a bouquet she's arranged that morning. It was a bunch of carnations and daisies. "The old woman's got to learn how to trust me with this kind of stuff, now that I'm going to be Hokage—shit!" he jumped in a comical display of regret. "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone else….Baa-chan's already mad I told a few people."

Ino giggled. "The whole village knows, ramen-brain. You shouted the news on top of the Fourth's head."

"Aw, come on, I got excited!" he defended, hopping back over to the counter. He set the vase on the counter and began twirling the thing around, fingers lazily brushing up against the petals. When he got to a rather perky looking daisy and plucked it from its home, earning a squeak from Ino, claiming he better pay for that.

"I'm going on a trip, over to Suna. Well, technically a mission. To train with Gaara on official Kage business. Basically the boring stuff," he nodded, already dreading the paperwork and How to Not Piss of The Council 101. "But, I'm also going to help with the Suna-Konoha ambassador..ship. Ambassasaasadorship. Shit." he scratched his head in puzzlement. "Is that a word?"

No, it was certainly_ not_ a word. Probably one of the Fourth's jutsus instead. But Ino didn't have the patience for a grammar lesson. "So, what's this got to do with me."

"Someone from Suna is staying here, so of course someone from Konoha has to say over _there. _That's how the ambasa—thing works. And, Baa-chan's considered you for job!"

Ino's blue eyes could have fallen straight out of their sockets and right into her open mouth. Tsunade considered_ her_ ? There had to be some mistake. "Why me?" Because really, an explanation would be really nice.

Naruto shrugged. "Why else? The person representing Konoha should be well…a really good ninja! Good at talking, which of course _you_ are, skilled, duh, and a really nice! Which you _can be. _I guess." he laughed at his own joke. Yet still despite some of the backhanded compliments, Ino could tell he was being sincere in his appraisal of her.

"Do you agree with all that?" she asked quietly. Because reassurance couldn't hurt.

"Yup, of course!" he scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I actually made the list—Baa-chan just approved who I picked."

Ino licked her lips in thought. "So, who's my competition?"

He held one finger out. "Well, you're my first choice. If you choose not to consider it," two fingers, "I'll ask Tenten," third finger, "And then I'll ask Iruka-sensei…" he paused. "Though, it might be hard to ask him to give up his academy job."

Ino mulled over the information. The one thing Naruto did have right were the choices—in fact, there were a lot of good choices for the ambassadorship among their friends; Kiba would have probably done fine (Thought the dogs in the desert sounded like a horrible idea), Chouji would have done alright, and hell, even Shino could have bonded with Gaara! The only problem with those choices was that they were from _clans._

Which is why she was puzzled as to why she was in line for this job in the first place.

"How long is this job?"

The look on Naruto's face clearly indicated that he had no idea. "Uhhhh, a few years maybe? I guess after a set amount of time, we could send someone else if they truly got homesick."

_"Years?"_

He blinked. "Well, yeah! How else would someone get anything done if they aren't in the loop for very long?"

Well what do you know. The dunderhead could actually think. Still, while the time-frame wasn't ideal, there was also the fact that: "Naruto, I'm part of the Yamanaka clan. I can't go over and live in Suna, I have to stay here. Tenten and Iruka…they aren't from clans. They make good candidates, not me."

Naruto frowned. "Is being part of a clan the only think stopping you?" Ino prayed that would be a good enough answer, but a part of her figure it probably wasn't. Regardless, Naruto continued, "Your father wasn't the head of the clan, so, you're not in line to be in charge or anything…right?" he trailed off, clearly uncomfortable at mention her deceased father.

"No," she said softly, "I'm not going to head the clan. But that doesn't mean I'm not an important part of it."

"Of course you're important, I know that." he smiled easily at her. "But you can be important anywhere!"

Ino groaned, tugging at her hair. She damn could rip it out, and she didn't really know why. "Naruto listen to yourself! You want to send a botanist to the _desert." _ There was no way in hell she could leave her flower shop—it was her father's! Her mother…her mother couldn't run this on her own. "Naruto, I can't go to Suna. I'm needed _here."_

He went back to playing with the flowers in the vase, studying their petals and colors. "Okay," he finally whispered, a faint smile on his lips. "Okay, I get it. You want to stay home. I just thought…" he reached up and brushed her hair out of her face, pinning it behind her ear with the flower he'd plucked from the vase. "Suna could use a flower."

Ino sucked in a shocked breath as he patted her head, eyes curved in happy smiles. "If you need a flower," Ino said slowly, one person coming to her mind instantly. "Why not ask Sakura? She's not from a clan."

Naruto chuckled and went in to bop her nose, laughing again when Ino scowled. "You and Sakura are a lot alike, but you'd be much better at this job, I think. You both get things done—but you can get them done without shouting, you're both very strong—but you can show that strength without demolishing an entire building—and you both got fire in your hearts—but you don't hit anyone." He paused. "Also, Sakura-chan's _pregnant."_

_Right, _Ino thought. _Damn her._

"And," he continued, "I'm also selfish." He smiled sadly. "I don't want her so far away from me."

Taking the daisy away from her hair, she weaved it in Naruto's messy blonde locks. "And what if she wanted to go…?" she asked gently.

Naruto sighed, long and heavy. "Then I'd have to let her go. She'd do a great job—she would learn and adapt and grow to do whatever it takes to be the best she could be. Sakura-chan's amazing like that…Heh, like a flower! I bet you told her that a long time ago, right?

Man, lover-boy had it _bad._

Ino liked to think she was a little better.

"When we were kids, sure…" Ino mumbled. "But Sakura doesn't need me anymore. She's _bloomed." _And she instantly pulled a face at the horrible metaphor that came out of her mouth. Since when did she become a sap? And more importantly, when did Naruto become so poetic? Must have been that perverted best-selling novelist of a sensei he had once upon a time.

"Mmhm, that she has. Still room to grow though, don't you think?" He leaned back, reached into his pocket and threw some spare change at Ino. "For that one flower."

"You have to pay for the _vase." _Ino emphasized. "You ruined the arrangement."

"I did not!" he defended, "It still looks great." Ino thought about arguing some more, but she didn't have the energy. Besides, it was only one flower. But it did make a heap of a difference, no matter what anyone said. Naruto headed for the door. "Just think about it, okay? You going on the trip doesn't necessarily sign you away for life…but we will be gone for awhile for initial meetings and setting up everything while I train, okay?" he flashed her a smile. "How'd I do on the Hokage talk?"

Shaking her head, laughing, she said, "Not bad."

"Awesome!" he flashed her a thumbs up. "I'll be back at the end of the week for your answer. But Ino…"

She waited.

"…Why send one flower, when I can send a gardener to plant so many more?"

The silence remained as the door swung shut.

.

.

**notes:** I think I'm going to change the settings on the story. I've gotten a lot more ideas as I've been writing this, and as you've probably noticed, there's a lot more about Naruto and Ino in here than I had originally planned-but still, have no fear. It's still got ShikaSaku baby drama and NaruSaku romance drama and InoShika and InoSaku we-need-to-fix-our-friendship drama. Plus a bunch more. Oh! And if anyone was wondering if there was going to be any kind of flashback about how and why Sakura and Shikamaru did what they did, I plan on doing an interlude of about one or two chapters between what will be Part 1 and Part II.

Thanks again to the comments, favorites and follows! Um, someone asked a question as to why Sakura was living with Shikamaru, and I hoped I cleared that up in this chapter! Any further support, as always, is greatly appreciated! Thanks!


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